17 September 2012

Day of Trades

latitudine italia

The brilliance of late afternoon sun shines through the multitude of double storey glass panes, printed lavishly its shadow on the bare tiles. I was seated on a grey sofa, partially bathed in that brilliance, and told to look up. Then I was snapped, again and again. 

Holding his phone, he tried almost mindlessly to get a decent frame. The harvest was half-baked imperfections somehow managed to turn into a choice of display pictures after an arty cut-out touch through my superficial hands.

"I want to sit on one of those wooden chairs later. It looks so nice with the table, the scene." he pointed to a pair of seasoned engineers murmuring over prints at the corner. "Those chairs are designer items, pinewood." he continued while I took my first few steps on a flight of hanging concrete stairway. 

*  *  *

"Hey, careful not to throw me on the wall!" I lamented as he carelessly pushes the hanging nest towards random directions. While I barely able to retracted my legs into the spherical shell, it hit the wall, a loud metallic clang echoed through the empty corridors. Sounds of renovation works from next lot stopped for a moment, then resumed. "go go go!" we quickly ran away as soon as we discerned a uniformed silhouette approaching from the unlit corridor. 

*  *  *

So we sat on this steel wired couch, holding our hands while looking up to a shower of hanging vines, completely ignoring the fact that a loud clash on the wall from the contraption beside us was merely half an hour ago. Our feet on the ever-green turf while listening to the city winds rustled through our ears. I closed my eyes for a moment, pretending this moment doesn't need to end this afternoon.

"It's sad that you're going off so soon. How long until you have to check in?" 
"My flight is 9, so most likely I'll need to be there by 7?" 
"So do you want me to drop you somewhere later? How do you plan to go to the airport?"

"Probably taxi" 
"do you know where we can get to the nearest drop-off point?" 
"I don't know." 
"ok... then how exactly do you want to go there?"
"probably taxi.."

"Do you want me to send you there instead?" I let out an almost inaudible sigh after a moment of thought.
"but, you have an appointment on 8 right?"
"It's alright. I can change that."    

*  *  *

Our car stopped on a bay among so many other red-painted Sagas. Shades of people walking all over us while he shut the boot and slide out his luggage handlebar. He leaned towards the window,

"Savoir, thank you for sending me here. I really appreciate this effort especially on top of your busy schedule."

"I only want you to ask." I paused a moment, "Take care, sweet. I'll see you again soon."

and as the traffic light burned green, I turned on the headlamps while the carriage accelerated towards a moot future. 

12 September 2012

Packed Up (Reprise)

Life becomes interesting when it comes to the facets of cruel irony. Take my ambition for example, it was from a mindless rejection of a particular field in science to utter passion. Then comes the hate for electronics. Then lately, the decision to stay in my hometown for my postgraduate studies. 

Three days ago, upon waking up on my new bed six feet from ground, staring on the blinded window, a sudden thought of change and its subsequent realization of its reasons came to the senses. The suggestion was comforting, desirable and hopeful but wrapped in a palette of uncertainty. However, the annoying cloak  quickly unfurled, stripping into its essence. For a moment, my heart laughed at it and myself which quickly manifested into an audible chuckle.

A snap of finger, I mumbled "That's it. I am going back to Johore." After more than 60 days of hesitation over so much immature sentiments, I finally made a decision without much wavering instance. 

So I carefully climbed down from the precarious ladder and sat on my wooden throne facing the newly designed workstation. The much missed BL was online. 

After a flurry exchange of Facebook messages over financial security and accommodation, I told him the decision. Save the surprised to expect an inside frown from SGG, but I beg no forgiveness - partly because I never promised to leave my alma mater for good. BL has been dear to me, and this time I am ready. I am prepared for another challenge, another phase in this long academic journey without the draggy frame of emotional attachments. 

The other day, I told a new friend "I am reserved." upon asking for a casual session. The reason told "I am trying to respect myself." was this few rare times, not an excuse. A new life, a story of learning rejections to anything that drifts into proximity. Saving the wisdom for living a slightly healthier relationship. 

Believing in love again.

For this new chapter, I hope the distance would pose less problem between us. I see we have to work out a lot of things lest this new-found infatuation palatable. Singapore would be a nice place to visit sometimes now. 

P/S: much regret and apologies to my beloved friends and inamoratos from Kuala Lumpur. I'll pay a visit to this bustling city more often, promise. 

06 August 2012

Never Regret

To this extend of living such vivid life, I fear this jewel box of beautiful memories will fracture into brittle little pieces - separately fading into the abyss of history over slow unforgiving time.

All that, in each careless decisions.

03 August 2012

Jiwa Pucat

Stumbled across a few lines of well versed Malay, written under a hint of disappointment, nonetheless interesting sentences without all that wretched shorthand and ugly misspellings. Those words caught me thinking for a while during this wee hour.

He is right - despite countless sexual encounters, the deepening gap in the heart will never be fully covered until we find another soul to depend on.

So I put the words for describing relationship as a "harrowing excitement" 

*   *   *

"Pernahkah terdetik di hati anda, untuk dimiliki seseorang yang memahami diri sendiri? Seseorang yang sanggup mendengar anda menceritakan masalah di tempat kerja? Yang memberikan kucupan selamat malam tatkala anda mahu melelapkan mata? Yang menyambut dan mengambil hati anda setiap kali anda keletihan pulang daripada torehan harian? Seseorang yang mampu mengisikan kekosongan jauh tersorok di dalam jiwa dan hati anda.

Anda perlu akui bahawa anda sedang kesunyian walaupun keras menyatakan anda memiliki segalanya, walaupun telah menikmati segala kepuasan nafsu dengan seberapa ramai lelaki selama ini."      

       -  coffeebean

31 July 2012


"Really, Savoir? I thought you'd know better! Why did you let him in? Was it that good?"

"Well, it has to be or my brain really wasn't thinking at the moment. I mean, he didn't even enter with lube, so you can only imagine the pain."

"Did he came inside you?"
"He did didn't he?"

*   *   *

"Eh, I thought today is not your off-day? Why did you return from Singapore?"

"Because today is a special day!" 

"What day is it?"

His usual lame secrecy in conversation are almost everything we wanted to talk about, which did not charmed the way like Fd does. Out of my annoyance, the conversation stopped along with the car. He jiggle out the keys to close the tall metallic gate behind him. 

"Hmm.. your mansion really hasn't changed much since a year ago."

"Yea, why should that change? After all, my dad is not around and my mom is so passive on things."

"And I suppose there is a guest in the house tonight? That Ferrari parked outside."

"Yea, my old time friend and his family. I told them not to bring cakes but we'll see how it turn out."

"Today is your birthday? Surprise indeed!"

Trying to hide my sarcasm beneath the attempt to wish him, we were ushered into his place by his welcoming friends and family. 

*   *   *

A quick knock on the door followed by a gentle tap on the shoulder. 

"gor gor.. try the cake la.."

"Thank you very much, you're very sweet."

The younger sister just passed over a piece of nicely cut tiramisu, walked out and shut the door. Honestly, I don't mind sitting quietly facing the four cold featureless facades of your room while waiting for you to entertain your obligations. However, I would greatly appreciate if you actually let yourself welcoming me to the crowd right underneath your room instead of leaving me with your locked computer.

For the first time, I felt like a birthday trophy - my body is the ultimate gift. 

*   *   *

"Ugh.. I have finally chased all of them away.."

"Okay. So what do you plan to do after caging me the entire evening?" 

He reached out to a switch on the corner, the dimming of lights ensues. His sisters didn't know. His mother didn't know. Most importantly, himself, didn't know. He do however, realize the carnal pleasure he is about to both indulge and inflict from a total release of sexual and emotional frustration over a year we denied.

All that in a few not-so-lonesome hours. 

*   *   *

"Well, I guess he was really high and you're so stupid."

Looking into the suburban skyline, "I know." "I know it perfectly."