01 November 2007

Adam and Eve. Not Adam and Steve

I need a doctor. Urgently.
Or perhaps a pastor,
a fatherly figure that can listen to me,
a counsellor, a friend.
I need a person I can trust,
can keep secret and can help me, guide me.

It's not the path I want to take,
I know it's wrong either.
And I know the price to pay if I confess.
Or perhaps I horribly confused between who I really was
or it's just an imaginary thought that I misunderstood.
I don't know, helpless and afraid.

I afraid if I am really like that,
I will loose my dearest friends for I was gross.
I will humiliate myself in front of my conservative family elders.
I will shun and dissapoint my religious friends,
I will degrade myself among the society that is together.

I don't know what I want,
I don't understand myself,
I don't want to kill my pride,
I don't want to be dishonored,
I am confused.
Perhaps, Perhaps not.

Please, someone.
Help me.
Pull my hand and let me be saved.
At least tell me what I want/ am.

Am I really?