29 January 2010

Geeking Out

Conversations like this really means something to me. I'm sure you didn't feel anything indifferent from other tattling we had as always.

You posted a link in my Facebook wall about a news by BBC on "Laser Fusion Test Results Raise Energy Hope"

How can I not like it? =D

Me: Soon, we'll start digging the moon for Helium-3! No more earth digging for oil.. :D

You: weally? sigh. enough with the digging already =(

Me: No seriously. moon's regolith does contain a higher concentration of Helium-3 that's essential in thermonuclear fuel. However we only need them in minute quantity.

You: Must it be from the moon? I was under the impression that helium is easily available and its chain reaction would give yields much much much better (in theory) than the already very efficient 4th gen fission plants?

haha on a similar note, did u read about peak uranium before? LOL kinda sounds weird/funny =D

Oh and by the way, deep beneath the arctic might lie vast volumes of petroleum/gas... peak oil is nigh!!!

Me: Nah, not really a must from the moon. It's just that moon's sand has more He-3 that's all. Well, to your surprise, nuclear fusion doesn't yield much much more energy than nuclear fission as you expected. Just a little bit more. Um, fission plants are never efficient worse if you look at it in thermodynamics. lol. All we get is the energy from the mass defect (scraps) in the nucleus during fission process.

To me, I find it rather... "primitive".

Anyway, I've seen the peak uranium. How's that funny? o.O

For the arctic treasure trove, thank goodness there's a treaty protecting it from being raped. Else, there goes our pole. lol!

You: last I read was a 30~35% efficiency rating for fissile reactors [not sure if its the 4th gen ones] and IIRC Siemens was describing their combine steam/gas cycle plants at slightly above 40%. i think the 5% diff isn't too significant [just about 10% diff between them] to rate it as 'inefficient', given the many benefits.

again, with the 4th gen plants being super efficient at using fissile material, and there being reprocessing plants for spent fuel, and the new reactors being able to re-use processed fuel, and there being no pollution to the environment whatsoever*, and the 4th gen designs being very very safe, i don't see why not.

I'm pro-nuclear and think greenpeace (and many environmentalists] is just an arse of an organization: making lots of noise and not coming up with solutions. i think for the near-middle term, nuclear is the best. wind too, but you need lots of em', and wind patterns mean some countries cannot benefit from their use. ... See more

hey, it took last century's brightest people to get the atom to split, i think what you said just discredited the whole lot of them!

its funny to think that we only need so little uranium, and it too has its peak thingi. dunno. maybe its just me *shrug*

actually, the treaty isn't pretty concrete, its just that no one really wants to make a move right now =P

save Russia and their plaque maybe =D

*provided it doesn't get out into the environment.

Me: LOL! nah, don't get me wrong. I'm pro-nuclear too. As long humanity knows and master the technology to efficiently recycle the fissile matter after use to reduce waste storage, everything will be a-ok.

Of course I don't mean to discredit those who discovered radioactivity and founded atomic physics. It's just my opinion that smashing atoms apart to get it's scrap missing mass as energy is rather.. rudimentary. But given the few decades of change since it's discovery, it's definitely a remarkable journey.

I'm of course comparing to the possibility of energy generating using more exotic methods. Like matter - antimatter annihilation, extracting energy from the quantum fluctuations. Definitely far fetched.

Talking about green technology, I definitely look up into solar power. Photovoltaic engineering are doing good progress in making thinner and cheaper materials to generate photo-electrons. Efficiency are looking better too.

On and all, I think it's too late to be a pessimist. Yes, I agree with you about the speak-but-don't-do treehuggers. Nuclear technology is a high-tech solution but time is needed for its maturity.

Treehuggers existence doesn't hinders the progress don't they? :)

You: well my friend, if you recall, physicists and the scientists are always at the forefront of research and those efforts take decades before wide spread commercial adoption can begin. do you remember how the industrial revolution [which was due to the science of thermodynamics and the steam engine] was not more than 250 years ago?

and from there we've been through so much. the atom's 50year journey, by comparison, must seem middle age, dont you agree? but then again we should be on a new age right... sighs to the discovery of the theory of everything huh? =(

solar power eh? my uni is supposed to be famous for its photo[dunno how to spell] research, but i dont know nuts about it other than its electricity directly from sunlight =D

Andrew, really suggest you look up the 4th gen nuclear power plants when you have the time. im terribly impressed by the current 3rd gen designs [from Westinghouse for the Americans and french/siemens for the Europeans] and think they've really come of age, thus me being pro nuclear.

don't forget how the treehuggers and the religionists were worried about the creation of black holes on earth and tried to stop *that* experiment =P

windmills: dun wan, bising, causes birds to die when they hit the blades and cows to die from noise fatigue, besides they ruin landscape scenery

dams: dun wan, mass environmental damage [agree]. and one dam takes decades of research and study and construction and filling up.

nuclear: OMG NO! EXPLOSION. what about the effing r.a.d.i.o.a.c.t.i.v.e waste!!!!...

solar: okaysssss.

thats how i think the environmentalists i hate think. and i have no qualms about solar, although i think you really need tons and tons of em', just like wind =(

Me: tsk tsk.. see, now you're stereotyping. =P But hey, you have a freaggin good point on the people against for LHC.

That's where I started hating them.

I've always wandered why are people rather believe the thousand old book instead of mathematical logic that only seems more obvious to me. I call it ignorance. ... See more

But whatever people want to believe. Isn't it?

I'll definitely look up to the 4th gen nuclear power plants. Because so far my knowledge in nuclear physics tells me that no matter how efficient a power plant is, it cannot violate the conservation of energy. lol!

The irony is that i realized nuclear power plants are not efficient from our common thermodynamics text. Bah. Give up finding. I remember glancing through the pages and I saw it!

Talking about interest, I am seriously amazed by the idea of recycling spent nuclear fuel rods! You might be interested in photovoltaic process after you know it's mechanisms. It's all modern physics. =)

I need solar and wind? lol. I think they are pretty good but I doubt I'll build my career based on it. I'm more nuclear. Trust me. :D

Why so defensive over nuclear power, dear? Of course I'm not interested to argue with you again on this issue again because I know it will only make things worse. Well, it's good you study energies and entropy. Save my time explaining them. That's why I enjoyed these conversation.


Debate can be fun. Or not.

Bon Voyage & Good Luck

To you, Mk.

For you have left Malaysia to the Asian infested Australia. No, really, why would everyone choose Australia to be their destination for higher education? It's not exactly cheap, and definitely not my dream vacation continent.

Alright. Fine. I confess I'm slightly jealous on people who had the opportunity to leave their country exploring other cultures. Also adding to the fact that more and more of my friends are departing this place to other for a better life. It makes me feel lonely. In a way.

Perhaps because the boy left to the same place as you do. Thank heavens not the same district.

I'm pretty annoyed.

Although I should be content with what I have right now, but this is one of those times I had to get it out of my chest. Anyway still, I would love to give you my best regards. You said this is an opportunity for you to go out, leaving this wretched country and live happily ever after.

As a dear friend, and of course loving you still, I want to wish you all the best in your life. Hope you doesn't forget this character that currently choose to pursuit his studies in a local campus down south.

p/s: I am holding this message when you are back: "Thanks Savoir, I'll be sure to get you something that is suitable for your height over there when I get back. hahaha" :)



25 January 2010

What Follows?

This conversation takes part after 30 hours since the event on Friday night, after an AIESEC committee member meeting about STEP on Sunday late afternoon.

After the Intern's House Party.

Me: It Doesn't take a psychologist to see you're feeling awkward when I'm around.

Iz: Nope. I'm fine. Which part of me looks awkward to you?

Me: I don't need to elaborate on that. You can feel it either isn't it? I'm sorry.

Iz: Don't be. It was really nothing. Is it because of my obvious emotions?

Me: Yeah, you looked quite down today. Thought It was my fault. Feels bad.

Iz: It has nothing to do with you. Just thought of something. Feelings of the past that has been stored in me for quite some time. I'll be fine. Don't worry.

Me: Hope you're alright. *hugs*

22 January 2010


He's the fifth different person I had sex with.

Honestly, I have no reason why did I even commit myself to such act. The only reason seemed possible (and obvious) is the gush of sexual desire over the period of loneliness. Through out times I believed I could be asexual, if not "gray" when it comes to sex but I guess I am not who I am for what I have expected.

* * *

I have acquainted him since the last semester in AIESEC. Holding the position as the organizing committee president of an AIESEC HIV awareness program, that's how I knew him - in a seminar.

The moment I was talking to him it came to me that he is undoubtedly another "people like us". I remember I was be seated and he was holding a dildo, looking at me with the killer stare right into my eyes and approaching closer, till his face completely covered my vision. Obviously he didn't dare to do anything that would jeopardize his sexual orientation .

Initially, we didn't get along pretty well, there are always a barrier within almost all of our conversations partly due to the fact that his primary language is Cantonese and mine's English. But until this day prior to MyLDS he sat right next to me in the bus. Purposely.

And we talked. Superficial but it all started there. At least I finally got the confirmation that he's really one.

About a week ago he started calling me out of the blue. And as anticipated, our conversation went rather awkward quickly and the topics will somehow developed into things which contain sexual overtures.

Well, it's rather common for the topic to stem in that manner due to the awkward nature.

Two days ago, he called again and the topic went deeper. Though I knew he loved his boy and whatever he is suggesting seems contradictory. He invited me over for a "cup of tea" at his place. Isn't the intention obvious?

I resort the sense of doubt because of the story. He told me about how much he loved his boy and that now his boy is leaving to Australia in pursuit of studies and to get a PR and stuff. So under suspicion still, I carried a notebook and a pencil. Just in case if our meeting is really simply a tea-time. At least I could still discuss formal matters with him.

Upon arrival, all denials suddenly vanished. From his facial expression, It's so obvious what he had intended. For a moment I thought the whole sequence of events couldn't be anywhere more gawky.

The biggest irony is his position in AIESEC. The HIV awareness program.

It started completely clumsy. I have even thought of leaving the place for a good dinner instead. Whatever made me stay I couldn't say. He went to take a shower while I stared outside his window, wandering into the dazy night lights of the suburb thinking about the possibility of things happening later.

When he returned, I send him a gesture of leaving. But I didn't. Next, I was on the bed sitting muttering things I don't remember. I know I was talking about my obsession (the boy) but the lights are now off and he is on my back, beginning with a soothing massage.

Amidst the silhouette, I noticed his charm - the facial features. There onwards, passion accelerated. Eyes closed to feel every inch of his tongue slip into mine, slowly towards the neck, ears and down to my nipples as I can hear myself every details of heightened excitations. He made me stand beside the bed as he pull himself closer to use his mouth on mine, faster and faster, he pulled it deeper into his orifice.

It's now apparent that he wanted sex, anything and everything else other than putting mine into his tunnel. He told me that's reserved for the boy. Through out the sessions of kissing and oral sex, he stopped a few times, talking and giving comments. Times like that was a huge turn-off. I don't blame him. Even I feel strange for whatever that is going at that moment.

He came pretty fast as I caress his. A moan. He gave me handjob and after a while I came on him.

After sex, we lied beside each other. His eyes opened and I know what's in his mind because it is likened to mine. Remorse. I did it out of desperation perhaps and for him.. He told me I was merely a person to "practice" for his boy.


After all that has happened, I doubt I'll do this or see him the same ever again. Truly, this has given me a mirror. A reflection of my actions. I'll need it much to revise what I've did and to see if it's alright - or not.