28 January 2011

Whiz Kid

The tanned child was standing with his father be-seated in a bank on a busy friday. It was hours before their religious gathering in a mosque nearby and the father wanted to get his book updated before having his feet cleaned.

With them was the child's grandmother, seated beside the man, watching her grandson running around in the waiting lounge. She turned to the father, "macam mana engkau ni mengajar anak? Biar saja dia buat bising."

The dad kept his mouth shut. Embarrassed by the one-sentence lecture from his mother.

She then turned to the child,

"Dik, mari sini sekejap."

"Why nek?"

"You see that scary pak guard?"

"Yea.. why is he wearing tudung?"

"That is not a tudung dik. It's a turban."


"See he have a big tummy?"


"That's because he just ate a naughty kid. Now he's hungry... See he's opening his mouth, he wants to eat again!"

The child went quiet, withdrawn, with the face looking down like a tame cat while sitting on the chair obediently. Grandma now turns back to the father and gave him the victorious grin as a sign, a lesson, of the way a father should teach his children.

Just as the matter with the register was dealt with, the man now holds his mother's arm, ready to leave the bank. He ushered his boy, but the child was still sitting on the chair with his little eyes staring into the face of the dark-skinned security guard.

"kenapa?" his dad asked.

"I'm waiting."


"Which kid he's going to eat next."

27 January 2011


As the weather forecast had it, the sky has been grey and cold these days and the morning was no exception. Occasionally, the sun will have his way through the dense layer of clouds, piercing through unhindered, like a glimpse of hope through all that uncertainties that are ahead.

The airport limo now reduced it's speed to a comfortable 40, slowly rolling through the familiar roads inside the campus. Sitting at the back on the dark leathered cushion, my eyes are fixated to the running trees and leaves outside the window.

And I told myself, after all those conversations over texts we had:

"Savoir, is this what you want? Really?"

A little jolt had shaken me alert, "dik, sudah sampai", and the taxi is parked in front of the foyer of my residence.

Time to get real, because academic semester now starts again.

21 January 2011

Subatomic Ideas

The stuff you see everyday, matter, a table, chair, house, things, what we call reality, is merely an illusion because the fact that matter, is about 99% free space. Take a cube of gold for example and give yourself a theoretical knife which could cut it, and you cut it half and half and half again until the smallest pieces, you are entering the atomic world.

What's in there? At first, we thought atoms was like small hard billiard balls; the smallest fundamental bit of matter in the universe but it turns out to contain smaller constituents; little tiny point in space called the nucleus with electrons whizzing around them. But even that is not the end, if you look into the nucleus of an atom, you'll realize those are made up of protons and neutrons which if you could cut them even smaller and finally come to the last bit called quarks. These smallest bits of things are what we call the fundamental particles/ elementary particles that made up everything you see in the cosmos.

Now the interesting part is that each layer we cut and enter into, a whole new world with different laws of physics is applied; equations, which those things working in that that level abides. In each layer, their mechanisms affects the larger world layer by layer, from the fuzzy movements of subatomic particles to atoms to molecules, cells, organs and finally the body. Now, one atom itself which contains of a nucleus and electrons and the rest are all empty space, and as the layers built up, so do we.

Now, who says we live in a dense world?

There's a lot to say on the workings of quantum mechanics and their implications to our understanding of physical reality, and the philosophy debate behind it is to say, mind boggling.

Recently, I find myself lost interest to write in my physics inspired blog. I'm moving it here. With the blend of my thoughts because I just realized how powerful they can be.

18 January 2011

Green Philosophy #1

Today, just like most of other afternoons, I had the routine unappetizing lunch in the Student Union Building. Since then I have some time until the next class which is still about an hour or so, I figured out to drop myself in the assembly hall for the exhibition.

Apparently, it was a campaign for environmental awareness. A few booths and seats with rarity of a few students mingling around, poking their heads toward the displaying banners. The staffs were also students from the committee of a residential college where I used to stay, the event was organized in conjunction with an NGO. The atmosphere is almost similar to what we did the last year. Just, much smaller in scale.

What strike me whilst looking into this scene was the whole idea of environmental awareness. I mean, in these days who doesn't know the earth is in need for people to take care of what they do? Take a stone and throw to a crowd, the one scratching his head would probably tell you buying food in polystyrene containers are bad for everything.

Question is, why there is no change?

Convenience? I think that is too convenient of an excuse to dump the idea of saving the only home we have. Really, it is the mindset of people should change. The education is from within, the moral of oneself thinking where does the little plastic wrap on your hand goes. People blame parents, schools, caretakers and governments for their failure in instilling the habit of sorting waste. Can you make them change? If it's never easy to do it yourself, what about convincing others? How hard could it be to make separate boxes for your rubbish?

Recycling one aluminium can could save thermal energy to process raw aluminium into new cans equivalent to the power needed to operate an old TV (not LCD/LED type) for 3 hours.


And recycling is the most cliché-ed action you can do to make the world a better place in terms of saving energy and resources. However, it has it's down sides.

Have you ever thought recycling materials can actually pollute the environment?

16 January 2011

Epilogue: Fd's case

Ever wonder why strawberries are sweet to the taste on the chilly heights of Cameron but they frustratingly turns sour when you're back into the tropics of KL?

This, also happens to be a relationship that never get it's chance to bloom.

Just like the wilted rose on my door - as you put it.

* * *

Quickly, I spread my arms to the couple's shoulder on each sides of me. The fate was too kind for us to meet again on this bridge. You had a friend with you who smiled with all the oblivion towards what happened and the noisy cars below didn't disturb my pleasure at all watching your head turned back twice with the face, wandering why your murderous message failed to deliver it's blow between this strange friendship between me and the couple.

I guess, you're still trying to figure that out.

And I love that moment.

14 January 2011



是谁已经不重要了, 今晚只是反思过去的错误和留一个空间来原谅自己.

13 January 2011


The morning was about forgiveness when I step out of the residential college. The foyer is grey from the lack of sun, devoid of people, and my watch is ticking. I'm waiting for my transport, and I told myself:

"Mr. Savoir, today's a new beginning."

A tired smile.

"A new semester, and a new place. You will be exhausted, that's why you choose to skip all class today only for this."

I was persuaded by BL only a day ago to change a new room this semester for a better environment both physically and emotionally. I can finally wave goodbye to the everlasting mold annoyance and monkeys, and of course, the occasional unsightly encounter with Fd. After some paperwork with the new block's office, I finally got the key.

BL borrowed a car from his friend for this and I owe him too much of a gratitude. We started moving my things, one by one, batch by batch, into the new place. This shows the multitude of items I keep, in BL's term - unnecessary.

There are something although, I wish I could throw.

As we are moving the last batch, whilst trying to fit in the seemingly humongous refrigerator into the back of the poor white kancil, a shadow has taken a turn of my head. It was a familiar figure all too recognizable and hate.


Only one individual. Coming out from the elevator into the empty foyer. Your head was up high as if you've won a fight with a skilled debater. You saw me.

Why should I even care?

Your motion was locomotive when you were walking away from us with the long rebonded hair. "wow, for once you were straight!" BL teased. I merely gave a sad smile, the same expression right after the lakeside confession from you.

For a minute, I was inside the building again the last time. BL came in with a rush and telling me you went back into the elevator and now upstairs looking at our car in front of the foyer.


Perhaps, just perhaps, the "foyer-you" is the way you say goodbye to your exes, silently savoring the title as a victor in a relationship. But this time, from the corners of your eyes, I can see the tinge of your defeat, and as always, you will never reveal this side of yourself to anyone but your lonesome nights in the football field with your tears.

I thank all goodness for choosing myself. For all the reasons that is.

* * *

"Savoir, uh, I have something I don't know if it's appropriate if you know."

"Yea, what's up? Just tell me, I hate it when people goes beating around bushes."

"You should be more careful next time because I think, you are being watched."

"You mean..."

"Yes, I think someone saw us that day? Because SGG was asking if I was cheating on him. An anonymous sent him a mail in FB. I think it's your Fd."

"Did SGG sent it to you?"

"Yeah, we had a long talk but we are ok. I reminded him on our deals in the relationship."

"Show me the message."

Quickly, you browsed through your inbox and turned the small netbook towards me.

* * * * *
01 November at 03:48 Report

Yes. Don't be fooled. you're SGG, arkie student from UXX, boyfriend is BL from science faculty, and he is cheating with his junior who also from science faculty. Both of them likes physics so much. The junior is tall. This is the only message that you will get from me. Don't try to find out who i am because you wont. and you know i am not lying. go and ask Savoir yourself. They slept together already. You deserve better.

* * * * *

Does that justify our broken relationship? A capable leader (also an effective information retriever) as you are could let yourself decide from your jealousy. You almost killed an innocent heart in Singapore with that kind of message.

In the end, you don't know their agreements, Fd. The word love has different meaning to different people, and I guess after all, you don't call it the same as I do.

So I wish you all the best, because you will be needing it.

And I love my new place, my new freedom, very much.

Thank you.

11 January 2011

The Elevator

A chime and a mechanical roll, the door shut behind us as we throw ourselves into the vacant elevator. Lips locking, I held your head high whilst my eyes closed to savor the every twirl of your tongue.

Suddenly, the image of us after having our sessions over my place appeared, it was a measure of how you feel towards me.

During a somewhat mundane conversation after the orgasm, I was on top, looking at you pondering about myself if I had given another part of me to you just like another slice of cake in a busy cafe. I gave you the smile which I would want to describe as a sigh.

*phone rings*

In annoyance, my hand reached to the loud ringing source from the fort made out of a warm comforter and you. It was Iz's voice but.. what was Iz asking again?

I felt a tickle at the tip of my tool, a pleasure almost electrifying, and let out an involuntary moan.

"Are you having sex?"

"I'll call you back."

Quickly, embarrassed, I pressed the glowing red button.

"What are you nuts?!"

"I'm marking my territory."

And that smirk.

* * *

I was quite impressed with myself knowing we were actually paying attention to the silver screen instead of each other. This is new year's eve, and I could perhaps enjoy the evening better with other friend-ish besties but tonight I have chosen you.

Just so you know, the impression of you were bad when we had our conversation on Messenger before returning home from the campus. It was later in the streets of K.L , I realized you are more than what you seem.

I digress, quite lately, I am drawn to guys who can sustain intellectual talks and not back away when I give my "lectures". My fetish? Perhaps. It's just one point from the few in my lists.

I like it when you talk about your interest in classical music. I like it even more when you gave me a flash history on the streets of the capital. I like it when you are looking at me with that puppy eye. I like...

But, I've only met you twice.

Now, the show's just over and we have an hour until the fireworks. We have decided to find a place, less crowded from everything to pass the moment and of all we choose a corner shop mamak, still full of people, to stay.

I remember the exploding noise shadowed your moving lips.

I remember the way your eye curls when you smile.

It made me too.

* * *

Morning sun begin to throw it's beam on the sea of silent clouds just below the fuselage, but my mind was nowhere except the sight of a concrete jungle just a few thousand feet below minutes before on how I met you.

I guess, you are a little special.

07 January 2011


is what my heart and this dark web log craving now.

06 January 2011

A comment

Lately, Facebook status updates has become a tool for social experiments. Things like asking your friends to reveal themselves as numbers so that you can leave a message on your views about them published in loud statements, letting the entire world to see.

No, I wasn't taken by it. In fact, I participated by asking an old friend, one of the first few after just entering this world.

He says:

"Someone that I've always love. =) A great, tall, inspiring, funny, lovely, kacau, . Physically, a very far distance between us, but not by heart. You do know I always love u right? hahaha! Can't wait for next meet. *hugs* "

How lovely, my dear.

You know honestly, the best compliment in it was the fact that you recognize me as a person having messed up relationships with others.

So think twice before using that word on me.

04 January 2011

A Hug

There were no sex.

There was no kissing.

The hue is turning from a blue to dark outside the blinds, and I begin to lose my courage knowing each moment someone will return home now.

Your head, after a few findings, finally found a spot on the curled comforter above us to rest and let yourself pressing on me, waiting. My arms, almost robotic, slowly clasped on your petite body from the back, a pull closer and you released a gasp - your first hug from a guy.

For a while we let ourselves rest until the sound of a metallic jingle said goodbye.

Carelessly, I laid a peck on the side of your bony cheek. I don't blame you for that seemingly innocent rhetoric question. Because at the very least, it was sincere.

I hope this mistake of mine doesn't inflict too much emotions on you.

It's just not worth of your time, TH.