18 September 2011

Answer from the ex-buddy

And now, life of projector images and dull classroom-style lectures take over, another slow moving train through the new semester. Well, I hope it picks up momentum as time goes by. I want to be busy. I want to be 熊仔.

*  *  *

Today is a rainy evening, the sky had dimmed to total darkness when I shared my shelter of an umbrella with the ex sex buddy on our way to dinner. Soon, we are in the food arcade with many other familiar faces all around but not with us. I reckon this is the first time we have dinner despite previous numbers of encounters which now I have no clue why you viciously rejected the callings lately.

"So, tell me honestly. What's the deal? Was it conscience block or you are having STDs?"

"No.. I mean... you're not my type la."

"Don't sugarcoat."

"You're not top enough.."

I nodded while feeding myself the last scoop.


"Well, let me rephrase that for you." "You can't satisfy me." I paused for a second and continued, "I know the first time when you commented on my initiative. No worries, I am not taken by your words. I guess I should have known better." To ensure, I gave a generous and sincere smile. I know, different people have different stomach of appetite. You were just famished. All the time.

09 September 2011

On Research Ethics

So I was chatting with a new friend who is a current research student in a public university not far from the national university; and it was sophomore year according to him when he did an experiment which involve the killing of 300 cute puffy chicken hatchlings using CO2 and a sealed chamber.

They were first injected with bacterial pathogens, given time to show symptoms, and then treated with viruses. After that, all test subjects were subsequently terminated disregarding their health conditions for autopsy.

What came to me immediately was the thought of similarity in genocidal method committed by the Axis in World War Two against Jews or the Chinese. Except in history was done in a much bigger facility with tears of agony, but what is the difference anyway? Both involve mass killing of organisms.

Another friend argued (which I sadly have to agree due reason like objectivity of research grounds):

"Well, they died for their next generations. If these subjects have positive results for the viral treatment, then we can say, antibiotics are unnecessary anymore."

So I replied:

"Such the next generations produced are healthier and more importantly, cost lesser to feed our growing population."

I don't know much about the ethics in biology research, but condoning these researches are, well, a little disturbing. At least by the thought. I quote the sentence from my bio-studying friend:

"When I come across the 50th chick. I had no time for guilt anymore. Else I'll be killing the chicks now instead of talking with you."

Now I wonder if soldiers felt the same way.

I think it justifies if it could potentially save us on efficiency, but morally, it's just too painful to think about. That's human nature - always has been curious, move on after each discovery and always will be.

02 September 2011

What Are We Now?

Sounded vaguely familiar when this time I was the one asking.

So, we were in my room, both seating on our connected chairs in claustrophobic desk-space and I shakily held Mr. Pangkor's hand which now I christened him 熊仔 for a softer tone, and I look into his eyes and said:

"熊仔, I think there are something I need to tell you because I know I cannot fight the guilt if I don't. Especially when I'm going back to school for a reasonably long time."

He nodded but kept silence.

"You know I went to Penang not alone."

"I know, and I've figured it out in your status updates while you were there."

And I threw back for a moment while he continues:

"Savoir, you are too easy to read." "and no, the real surprise is that you actually wanted to tell me about it."

"Why didn't you confront me after my trip?"

"Remember what I told you at the parking lots in Bangsar Village?" "I don't mind because I walked through your age."

Say no more, and I pushed myself against him and gave him the tight hug. It was sigh of relief tempered with a tinge of gratitude. A sharp tingling sense of injustice swept across like dried leaves under breeze in my inner conscience. There were no tears. Just remorse and splashes of self devaluation.

We are now in an open relationship, but is this kind of openness even healthy?