Life becomes interesting when it comes to the facets of cruel irony. Take my ambition for example, it was from a mindless rejection of a particular field in science to utter passion. Then comes the hate for electronics. Then lately, the decision to stay in my hometown for my postgraduate studies.
Three days ago, upon waking up on my new bed six feet from ground, staring on the blinded window, a sudden thought of change and its subsequent realization of its reasons came to the senses. The suggestion was comforting, desirable and hopeful but wrapped in a palette of uncertainty. However, the annoying cloak quickly unfurled, stripping into its essence. For a moment, my heart laughed at it and myself which quickly manifested into an audible chuckle.
A snap of finger, I mumbled "That's it. I am going back to Johore." After more than 60 days of hesitation over so much immature sentiments, I finally made a decision without much wavering instance.
So I carefully climbed down from the precarious ladder and sat on my wooden throne facing the newly designed workstation. The much missed BL was online.
After a flurry exchange of Facebook messages over financial security and accommodation, I told him the decision. Save the surprised to expect an inside frown from SGG, but I beg no forgiveness - partly because I never promised to leave my alma mater for good. BL has been dear to me, and this time I am ready. I am prepared for another challenge, another phase in this long academic journey without the draggy frame of emotional attachments.
The other day, I told a new friend "I am reserved." upon asking for a casual session. The reason told "I am trying to respect myself." was this few rare times, not an excuse. A new life, a story of learning rejections to anything that drifts into proximity. Saving the wisdom for living a slightly healthier relationship.
Believing in love again.
For this new chapter, I hope the distance would pose less problem between us. I see we have to work out a lot of things lest this new-found infatuation palatable. Singapore would be a nice place to visit sometimes now.
P/S: much regret and apologies to my beloved friends and inamoratos from Kuala Lumpur. I'll pay a visit to this bustling city more often, promise.